Contemplations.

Hey.
I'm currently in need of a little writing for something had driven me to this.
and worst,
I CANT sleep. ARGHH!

Hello people,
So yeah, that was quite an odd starter, for a strongly civilized people.
I've been thinking lately. Well actually, contemplates. On the scenarios that's precariously evolved around me. I might be stressed, but I can't be sure. Because sometimes, we're misjudged by the superficial. The actual thing is, I am tired. Tired of thinking on ways to shift my unneeded thoughts to something else, to please people everywhere and to search for the uncertainty. I'm just immensely exhausted. Would these things lead me somewhere? to a better path? because I am desperately in search of happiness which is of course, should be thoroughly understand and properly defined.

Good Night.

dee-cem-berr.

Well, its actually 'December' with the wrongest spelling. Good Morning and Hi.

Recently, I've posted something I've kept to myself for long and the result, MAJOR heartbreak. So this is a very good advice to spread. Don't keep these kind of things to yourself because if you're not strong enough, you could end up being very vulnerable, just like me. And if only you had shared it before with someone you trust, the fact would be different. I mean, it should hurt less since you have someone to confide in and the result, well LESS grieve stricken for sure. But that's a different story, what I really want to convey here is, for the moment, I'm glad to say that I've moved on. I'm not pretty sure about next year, but hey, time would heal things and I solely believe in that.

      So yeah, some lucky people had read the 'thing' I've posted, clearly weeks ago (probably had it removed by now). It was a very long writing, well the longest I've written so far I guess and what I've got to say is, thank you. For the feedback and advices. I must admit, that was by far, the strangest thing I did in my writings. Preferably, blog writings. Though there is nothing wrong about that, it somehow did sounds a little 'abusive'. Needless to say, it was the result of being in a massive heartbreak and for not trusting people to open up these things. I've learned valuable lessons in dealing with both, an unexpected heartbreak and trusting people with your problems and when I mentioned 'dealing' surely does meant that I've dealt with it. Well, remnants of it.

        Lets just leave that behind. In fact, lets just leave all of the bad things you've dealt with far far behind for you've learned and gained more once you've experienced it firsthand. Don't assume mistakes as a bad element that resurface in your life. Its there for a reason. A very valid reason.  It makes you a stronger person. A tough person who could render through the worst tornado. Cliche'? yeah, noticed that too. As cheesy as it sounds, you can't deny living facts. You go by its rules, you live by it.

        Alright now, 2010's coming to an end, there are a lot to look at , a lot to reminisce, a lot to treasure, a lot to keep and a lot to let go. I believe that we had rendered difficult journeys and beat the odds in our lives that are sometimes hard to decipher, translate and to understand but it transform us into a different person, day by day, experience by experience. We never know what will lies ahead, for a future had been written and stored for us.  

Good Luck, in dealing with the unexpected.

  

Be surprised, its already July-August-September-OCTOBER!

Hello,
Believe it or not, we're already in the midst of October .How time flies, lets just retrace the things that had happend in the past 3 months. Alright, so the final weeks July had been incredibly hectic for me. Apparently I got involved in activities that are, well, umm school based? I don't know if its not the pleasurous time to spend for others, but it is a heck of a fun for me. Since July marks its end for the extra co-curricular activities throughout the year 2010, there were joyous ceremonies held, according to its very own occasions. July 24th marks a remarkable history for SMKSS as his royal highness, the paramount ruler of the state pays a little visit. Sadly, I was not there to witness the whole ceremony since I have to attend my cousin's wedding reception, which is also the most awesome thing ever since there were hot dudes there (awww!). Back to the story, so in about a week after that, we had this drama thing going on and all of the form 4 students were involved. It was an undeniably awesome experience, I mean the whole preparations and practices did really paid off. Although we did not grab any spot for the place-ings, I'm greatly thankful as the whole drama turns out to be unexpectedly FUN! and ouh right now, we've past the fasting month, that's right, the holy month of Ramadhan and we've celebrated Hari Raya as well in Syawal of course. Regarding the Hari Raya celebration, we did'nt have much feasts, it was rather on the "OK" term as I labelled it. September had past, and since we're already in the midst of October, lets just render through it!

2nd semester of school break, yippie!

Heyho,
I have not been writing anything for the longest time and the excitement of it had been left dilapidated. Even if it's coiled around such absurdity, who cares aite? So yeah, things have been great for me these day, Alhamdulillah. I love how things, environment, people has been painting my life and I think I'm back on track. For starters, I have just completed my mid-term exam which is wonderful cos I don't have to think much about it, for now. I must say, the questions were rather hard, at least for a person a like me (I'm in the average group) and ouh, lets not put our predictions on the results, I'm so hoping for the best. Okay, put all of that aside now shall we, its school break! ohh yeah! Recently, I have been getting involved in lots of activities and one of it includes, 'Speech Choir'. However, don't get too excited laughing at me, cos I've actually been kicked out, *sigh -_- . Never mind that, I'm not so sure why I've joined it in the first place anyway (actually, its for the sake of the certificate). Yeah, I've never made it at the competition as a contestant, but I've made it there as a spectator. Frankly speaking, it was hard watching these people having fun putting their energy out there on stage, giving their 100%  in everything they've been working on and it pays off when they've managed to grab the first spot which had qualified them for sectionals (third place, tough competition). Apparently, I did gained some goods out of it, and the experience is simply priceless. I've decided to move on and not to put some sort of grudge over something silly, no offense. And ouh, totally totally forgot about my birthday. So yeah, it was one fine day on May 13, 2010 and it was the most awesome birthday celebration since forever. Well, looking at it, its pretty simple on how the celebration was, but the only thing that matters is that I'm celebrating it with my classmates! I mean, they're the one who've been planning the whole thing, the cupcakes, the 'flour warfare', surprises and I only got to know them in less that a year, woaw . I must say, for the past 3 years I've been in this school, this is like one of the things that will remain in my fondest memory and what makes the memory much more fun is the part where all of us were called to the disciplinary room for the whole 'flour warfare' thing since we're having it in the class. But then, my classmates did'nt want me to be there, at the disciplinary room cos they've told me that I was all 'innocent' and that the whole 'flour warfare' was their idea. Honestly, I feel bad for not going, but I am impressed on how they acted in this kind of situation and I can't thank them more :) Moving on, 2 weeks ago, I went to Kenyir Lake with my family members. My cousins, aunties, uncles everyone was there. It was great for its my first time to do such activity with my family. Alright, at first, we needed to board a boat to get to the 'Kelah sanctuary' where they preserves 'Kelah' fish. After that, we were told to go for a little jungle trekking where there were leaches in all shapes and sizes (I was bitten, once). Wehee. Then, after having our lunch, we went to the waterfall where the water were extremely cold and everything went great! it was totally awesome. We went home all tired and happy, wohoo! Okay so, I was in KL in a few days back, spent my cash on a brand new guitar and now I'm back in Terengganu, -_- sigh. I'm not quite sure on how to spend another week here with such boredem. Hangout maybe? I don't know. Let's just see to how far will this boredem lasts, think I'll stop now. Good Day :)

Some fond memories.

April is near and March is on its way of ending. Still, the on going things in the life of a human being never remain constant. And so, the first holiday semester had just passed a couple of days ago. Surprisingly, there had been a lot of things going on which had surpasses my expectations. Frankly, I would've thought my holidays would turns out dull and boring but some unusual circumstances had proved me wrong. Lets just skip this part for I don't have the desire to talk about what has been going on with my life, well, at least during the holidays. Apparently, a very good friend of mine had just transferred to a boarding school. A friend whom I've never expected to get close with when I was in form 1 for the way we got to know each other was rather unusual but then, form 2 changes everything. Up until now, I'm still uncertain on how does it happen, how did we got so close back then but it just happen and I realize that it was actually a miraculous encounter. Upon knowing each other, we had shared lots of things together aside from exchanging views and perspectives on stuffs that we usually talks about and during the weekends, we hangout as the ultimate 14 years old girl who are capable of exploring this new perpetual social world which she knows a lot about more than I do. But that was back then, things changes from years to years as we're growing matured. Somehow, its less seeing and talking. Now that she has moved, everything is pretty much hard to predict. Recalling these fond memories and experiences that we had encountered together are just tremendous and had as well made me oblivious to the clock that are tickings. I got school tomorrow so most probably I should be going to bed by now. Ohh and I've never actually confess this but,  Fatheah Khalid, you are one incredibly amazing and unpredictable girl. You are a friend, and I wish you knew how much had I been missing you and our conversation together. Please live a great life out there. Good Night :)

A visit.

Hello,
So yesterday my first visit to the old folks home was quite amazing. It does'nt actually reach my expectation on how it's going to be like, I mean, its far different. The visit and shopping was conducted by the Rotary Club of Kuala Terengganu and its a joint project between SMKCHWS and SMKSS. I did'nt have much of a conversation with the old folks, but I manage to learn a couple of stories about them. At first, we went to the house and take a look around just to get to know the place and the people there before we went shopping. After that, we boarded the bus and head to our destination, Mydin Mall. When we reached there, we were separated in groups. Each group consist of two people and a folk. Our task that day is to assist the folks during shopping and some part of it is to cheer them up. So yeah, as easy as it look, it is actually quite a challenge for us especially to communicate with them as some of them can't barely speak well. The shopping took an estimation two and a half hours which is no that long. Soon after that, we head back to the old folks house and had our lunch there. After everything was settled, we boarded the bus and head back to school. But there was this one shocking incident that had made the visit much more memorable, an old lady tried to escape but to no avail as one of my schoolmate managed to stop her. It is learn that the old lady had been sent there for the past three days and that she can't actually adapt herself to the surrounding just yet, poor lady. So yeahh, all said and done, everything had been a remarkable experience for me and I wish to gain more in the future. Good night :)

After the short break.

HELLO,
Right. for this time, Godeng's the one who's asking me to continue writing. && its Godeng. NOT tee or whoever. weird I know. Whatever then. So okay, holiday. Woaw, the whole week I've spent was absolutely fine and simple. I'm pretty glad that nothing much had brought me down during those days. Cool. And ouh, the engagement was pretty.. well, its too complex to explain. Lots of things had been going on there and the best part, hot dudes. Ohh yeahh! I would say, the most unfortunate thing that had happen to me there is the part where my ultimate flats screws itself and that Ive to rip off the base. So you get the point, my flats were base-less the whole night. Nice -,- Moving on, school's has been great lately. My classmates are just incredible and aside from their friendly-ness, they've cheered me up a lot. I can't describe for how crazy this thing is, but I'm totally thankful of it, that I can actually laugh the way I used to. I must admit, I do miss my girlfriends at times. I mean, zero hangout and less talking is not the thing I've wished for to happen. I do very much understand their hectic schedule and the things they're involve in. Sometimes, I just feel like the gap between us is getting wider and wider. Frankly, I'm not trying to point my finger blaming them for this. Ive made mistakes of my own and as much as I'm trying to patch things up, I can't really push anyone to overcome these matter in an instant. There are ways to solve things and one of they ways is to stay patient and just do what you do which is what I'm doing now. I will put myself in a very deep self-control and being very very patient in facing the hardships ahead. Just go with the flow. One thing I'm glad of is that Ive been getting new friends and I love the fact that they're really really nice to me. Well, the thing I'm not so glad of is that my studies are getting worst. Add math, history and chemistry = total bullshit and ouh, I forgot one more thing, I have to do some visiting at the old folks tomorrow. Its my first visit and Ill try to make an experience out of it. I better stop now. I got too much of mosquitoes bite everywhere. Goodnight.

The start of a holiday break.

Good Morning :)
Yeah, I've been an early bird these days. Okay so, Chinese New Year's holiday has finally begun(ohh yeahh) and my ultimate plan is to snooze until noon and.. ohh I have'nt thought of anything else just yet *sigh. Apparently, Tee went to Bandung, Indonesia 2 days before the holiday started(how not fair is that). Great. On Sunday, Kay will follow and as usual, I'll be stuck here. But I'm glad though cos Tee told me that Godeng is coming back and we're going to hangout soon(yippie!). Actually, its been a while since my last hangout with these people and I'm so looking forward to it. hmm. Moving on, the Chinese New Year is tomorrow and Lynn had invited me to her open house at 2. I'm not really sure weather I can make it or not cos, 1. I ain't going alone, 2. Transportation has always been my essential problem.*double sigh. Oh well, screw that. I'm not staying here for long. Ill be going somewhere, somehow. My counsin's getting engaged and for sure, homeworks are piling up like crazy(as if i've ever complete it). Damn, I'm not so sure what I'm writing much  about right now. Eventually, I got nothing in mind like seriously. I think I gotta stop now. I'll write back when I have something or whatever. Good day. 

Hello, february

Recently, Tee actually asked me to get my fingers moving and continue with this blogging thing. I'm kinda surprised that she actually got updated on my blog because i don't think anyone does. LOL. (thanks tee, you're the best). Okay, lets just start. Its already February and frankly January's days passes me too fast. Too fast that I can't even recall much of what had happen before. Gee, umm me and my friends, we're on the okay term. Apparently, we did'nt fought which is a very good thing and even if we're no longer that close, I'm thankful enough that we did'nt actually fall apart. I think I've done my best in reconstructing my own self damage, Ive done a lot to overcome my paranoia in most everything and I'm trying to avoid myself from causing more damage. I've made new friends in my current class which is eventually a great thing now that I feel simply, different. For the past three years, Ive been with these incredible people and having new friends is just great. I mean, really really great and of course, 4 Dinamik is not as bad as i thought it would be. Besides that, I think I like EST. Other subjects is kinda heavy right now, but I'm trying to cope with it, except for additional mathematics. Damn it's hard. Alright, enough of that. So, some of my friends had moved everywhere. Some is moving, and I'm pretty stuck in here -_- right. At first, Godeng and Amad moved, Negeri Sembilan. Then, Rushdee and Piqa follows but heading towards their very own destination. Well, Nasrul Amir's the first to move actually, never mind that. Right now, Tee's in the moving process. *sigh. Moving on, we're having a holiday break for a week which is a week from now. I have'nt plan much on what to have or how to spend my holiday just yet, but for sure, there'll be tons of papersheets and homeworks awaits. Nice, now I don't see the purpose of 'having' the holiday. Grr-ate. So yeah, there's actually a lot going on, but I can't racked my mind to think of much anything right now. Here are a few things i did with my friends, we went baking, cross-country um well, I'll get back to this one. That's it guess, I'll stop for now. Good day people :)  

   

Nyumm.

 

 double nyumm.

Just a Monday

Monday,

Nothing much had been going on today. Accept for the fact that I've finally got out of the class during recess time (should've stay in the class). So anyway, everyday to me seems the same nowdays. I go through these days like watching the replay of  well, perhaps, 'the pathetic days of our lives'?. I know for sure that things are going to change in advance. Some people will be transferring to another school, some stays blaa blaa blaa. I don't think I'll be needing anymore bad things to happen to me, I had enough and Im not hoping for much more of that. So today, I as well, learn new things on some new subjects. Results, chemistry was 0_0 and physics was, well, its going to take a very long long time. By the way, some students in my class are moving into their new classes too. I did'nt get the chance to do that and I want it so bad because my current class is, well, I don't want to say it. Bottom line, it did'nt suits me well. Damn it, help me please. Let me out! I mean, its only January and nothing seems to go on well. Trust me, it is sad.

Sunday, a day.

Its Sunday,

Today totally brought me a huge unexpected surprise. Well, its actually not a good one. I was sustaining a huge devastation for a while, but I think I'm doing fine now and ouh, in addition to that, I got punished simply because I left my Agama book at home. The funny part is that the teacher has'nt give up on the 'stand on the chair' game. I just think that at the age of 16, its too childish. Really. *sigh. So today, I was brutally attacked by a stomach ache. It was incredibly excruciating and there's nothing much I can do. So yeah, I'm guessing its a doomsday for me. Apparently, all of these, is simply nothing compare to this one thing I got through. It's my first time and frankly, I don't know how to react to that. But for sure, I did, I don't really know how it happen, but I got through it. I'm accepting it as an eye-opener for me, things are'nt always beautiful as we wish for and I think, that's something I have to bare in mind. I mean, woaw! the thing was utterly painful and shocking. The worst part is, I have no one to talk to about this and perhaps, I have to get myself used to these whole situation. I've never thought of these things would happen, honestly, It never really crosses my mind. I don't want to expect for anything to happen in advance, I've done that and it did'nt work and so my choice would be to just go with the flow. No expectations on anything. That's it for today, hopefully tomorrow would bring me joy that will eliminates the pain and sadness. Good Day people :)

Saturday morning

Good Morning, Saturday :)

I woke up pretty early today(yes! another achievement for me) but as usual, I'm left with nothing much to do and for sure, I have to post something here. Alright, so I've just completed a fresh first week of schooling day, got some homeworks on new subjects and blaa.blaa.blaa. Lets skip that part. Well, school has been a great place for me these days. I got over some things and yeah, school's totally kept me busy and I'm trying to cope well with this situation. I'm almost 16 now (I'll officially be by May) and well, I'm not sure. Apparently, 16 is a big number for me (yeah, whatever). So lately, some guys kept pushing me to go on a freak diet. wtf? Its an insult for me. I know I'm chubby and all  but who cares aite? Its very special for me to look different from my friends and its a good thing actually. I did once, went on this stupid diet plan before, I was 14 back then. Eventually, I skipped my meals and feel really guilty if I ate something containing fats, I did some crunches and ouh, I lost a couple of pounds which is another achievement for me but that did'nt last long. I started thinking that why on earth should I go on diet at this very age while I'm still growing. I mean, yeah I did look great for a moment but what is so special about feeling tired when you are lacking on energy. That pretty much thought me something. So yeah, I've trained myself to eat, get back to food and I'm glad that I did it. It was'nt easy but it was'nt as hard as skipping meals. For now, when I taste food I would think back about how it was back then when I was on my diet, excruciating. Don't get me wrong here, I will get back on my diet but this time, I'll do it properly. I'll eat well, and exercise. It will takes time though because I'm not looking fowards to start now for I'm still growing and that should'nt go to waste. If I should go on diet, I would probably do it for my own goodness sake, not because someone else is asking me to. So that's it i guess, good day :)

A boring day

Helloo, So today, I did nothing fun. Yup, I went out with my family in the evening and watched my brothers playing, cheering and having fun playing the playground thing. Until one of them fell and got mud stuck all over his face, hair, tee and jeans. Good thing, he did'nt whine so I'm guessing that's a good thing(of course it is, what am i saying). Yeah, okay I was planning to go out with Tee and a couple of friends today. Unfortunately, none of them can make it so that's the exact point why today is not a fun day for me(we'll get back on this one tomorrow). Well, let me just think of something right to say, I think I've experienced something I kinda like lately. I got over some tough problems and had fun with my friends. Ouhh, I make new friends too :) So yesterday, my friends went to this big birthday bash. It's one of my girlfriend sweet 16 actually and so, everyone went and had fun. Accept for me, I did'nt go based on various personal reasons of mine. I don't ever think I'll go to anymore party after this. I started hating it now. Ouch, I know. I hate talking about party so moving on, I met this one person (let's not emphasis much on the gender), yeah, well this one person really brings back the cheer in me which I've lost for a quite a while. This one person is someone I love to have fun with, to share the laughter and sadness I guess. I kinda like this person but I don;t know, something is always amiss. I hate it when that happens. Hmm, alright then, let just see for how far these things will go, Im looking fowards for something good :X

My 2010 first schooling day.

Its January the 3rd, school's reopen.

I've seen and observes multi reactions from the students that were expressed through such unexplainable expressions. Some girls started gossiping and the rest, too much to tell. As for me, my first schooling day would sounds weird because there were emotions combined inside of me and the mixture had left me feeling totally weird. Well, this morning I got up at 5.30am and was incredibly exuberant to go to school. Its been a while since I last stepped my foot to that very school, in my new pair of school uniform. So, as usual, there was an assembly held, the assembly that had left the students in a sea of chaos. Apparently, the previous school's Principal had just retired and everyone was well, cheering. That's so damn weird and insensitive. Anyway, the school's had been replaced with a new Principal and I'm hoping the previous school's system would change for better because that's what exactly the school needs. I mean, there's a lot of people disagreeing by how it works before and that they have their very own reasons stated. Well, I don't know, I figure, I should just go with everything they told me to do because school for me is almost over. I have less than 2 years of schooling and I'll be out in no time, out and soon to miss these schooling days. So anyway, I should just stick with the real story here, first schooling day, yeah. Today, I fell into a numbness situation for a few seconds. The cause of it, boredness. Sounds stupid, it is stupid. Fortunately, that didn't last long. After the recess time, the teachers entered their classes, and started the introductions for Physics and Biology. Its a huge subject for me and I'm hoping to get along well with these tough subjects which as well, includes Additional Mathematics, Chemistry and EST. Umm, I went home at 2.50pm today (pretty late for me) and that's about it. Not much. Tomorrow's going to be my second day and I'm totally looking forward to it. Good Day people :)

2009-2010

Its January the 1st of 2010,

Well, let me see. Most of us had witnessed momentious ceremonies, countdowns or whatsoever celebration that welcomes the year 2010 which replaces yesterday's 2009. Some even has started writing their own resolutions, to change themselves for better. For me, as undecisive as i am, I don't always look up for those high expectations on things even if it means to instill good morals or attitude for myself. Let me just make this way, those things are random and they will keep on changing no matter what, it's all up to us to judge our self on these littlest things. Sometimes, some facts teaches me that changes are often good but do we really have the guts to transforms our own self, who we were yesterdays to become who we are for tomorrows, to forbids our self from returning to our old habits, what we used to do or who we used to be. Changes are a big word for me to describe. A slight changes we made may lead us to a lot of new things that awaits. Some may turn our lives upside-down for a good course or perhaps, happiness but some may also causes massive destruction. The one thing that even-out the difference between the goods and the bads on this "changes" matter is that it gives us a life changing experience. Yeah, sounds huge ain't it? that's a fact I discovered. 2009 marks thousands of memories in our lives. Good or bad, its something we've experienced and sure to value in advance. I'm always hoping for the best in lives ahead, hoping to leave behind everything bad that ever happens to me. Good luck 2010!