Saturday, December 12, 2009
Ohh, get this, I just read something pretty much very fascinating to me. It's like I can relate to this guy and everything he ever wrote, posted on his blog. I mean, there's some kind of connection there, like I can bare my mind thinking about the same thing he did or even experienced. But as usual, the good things that passes you by always have that little something or should I say 'barrier' stopping you from, well, I don't really know which word to use, contenting your satisfaction? I just, I want to do something, I want to keep update to his writings but hell, its hard when I'm to scared to do that. Something is stopping me or is it me I'm doing that to myself? maybe its me being pessimistic. I don't know. Eventually, I just went through this whole paranoia state that I've been enduring these past weeks. Alhamdulillah, I got through that. I'm not saying that is was easy, but I'm so glad that I got through all those agonizing situation. Enough of that, I hate to recall every part if it. So anyway, is he the only guy I know (don't actually know him, know him but yeah) that I can actually relate to? I mean, he's the first and ouh, just don't get the wrong idea here, I'm not crushing on him. Hell no. I don't even know him. Well, know him, know him. (urgh! i gotta stop crapping) Never mind that. Maybe I'm just seeking for a person who I could actually relate to, all this while. I've never even thought of that but I think I do now. Good Night people.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Hey, its been a while since I last post just about anything here. So okay, my days had been going on just fine, Alhamdulillah. I did'nt get out of the house since forever and that keeps me out of any sort of trouble and I'm gratefully glad of it. So yeah, yesterday, I did something fun, I baked! yeay! Well, it's pretty much something I enjoy doing, I mean, its part of cooking too which I love so much. Actually, I'm not that good at cooking but a friend had once told me, "cooking is always about trying". So yeah, I've tried mixing up things in my cooking before, and luckily for me, it did'nt sucks that much (that's what my tastebuds told me) as far as i concern. Alright, back to the baking story. Yesterday, I've made my first attempt on cupcakes baking. It was hell of a fun for me as I always wanted to try baking cupcakes before. Apparently, 'youtube' has been a great help for me in this whole cupcakes thing. I can't really emphasized on much detail here because, well, maybe there's just a little something-something that I can't share. I'd love to, but sadly, I can't. Anyway, I woke up very early yesterday, at 6 something i guess. I bathe, and went online while waiting for a friend whom I need to borrow a very helpful oven from. Then, as the day starts to brighten up and while the sun brightly shines, she arrives at around 10 am. We unload some stuffs from her car and head straight to my kitchen. I sort things out first then went to take a brief rest while waiting for 'zuhur'. Soon, I prayed and went back to the kitchen to start baking. I followed every each of the procedures stated and started mixing up the ingredients and while that happens, I've forgotten one thing, to buy the vital ingredients for the cupcakes, the eggs. So then, I ended up running to the groceries store in front of my house to get the eggs. Clumsy huh? that's what I thought. Back to the story, after mixing some dry and wet ingredients using a mixer, I scooped out the mixture and place it into the cups. Soon, I placed the 3/4 mixture filled-cups into the preheated oven and wait for it to bake. When it was fully baked, I took it out of the oven and started decorating (the fun part of all). Using two packed of ready made, 'Betty Crocker Kitchen's Vanilla Icing' mixed with drops of colorings, the cupcakes soon turns into vibrant colors. I also decorated it with some chocolate chips, m&ms and some decorating stuffs. It was well, a memorable experience for me though, my first try out on cupcakes. I will surely looking foward to bake some more in the future. Perhaps with some friends. That's it, byebye :)
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Hey, once again, I'm being an early bird today. Yeay! Anyway, I'm just feeling like posting something up as I'm in a quite jumpy mood at the moment. Okay, let me start off with something. A few couple of days ago, my mom asked me and my other siblings to go this one wedding (a friend of her's for sure) and of course, we all went there. I did'nt really mind going as I don't have anything much to do at home after the big exam passed (well, apart from the fact that I actually love wedding, so yeah, I don't mind). At first, we went to pick up my big sister at her school (SPM thing going on) and head straight to our destination. On our way there, we had trouble finding the right house as my mom forgot to bring the wedding card (consisting the map of the house) and so my mom called her friend (not the one who's getting married of course. It'd be embarrassing). Then, after a few turns to some unfamiliar street and with the help of a very helpful navigator, we found the right house. I must admit, I can't really put the blame on my mom though, the streets were quite complecated. So as the story goes, we did what the typical Malay people do, on a typical Malay people's wedding. We had a plate of 'nasi minyak' and a glass of syrup or tea for each of us. Afterward, we went inside the house to meet with the bride and here's the best-surprising-unexpected part. Apparently, the one who got married turns out to be my science teacher when I was in form 2 (we called her teacher Amani) and she was the best science teacher I've ever had so far. Well, she teaches me for just a couple of months (she was a practical teacher) and she graduates, then transfers to my mom's school (I had no idea at all). I've never seen her after that. For sure, both of us were surprised and in shocked of the unexpected coincidence (my mom too of course). We did'nt talk much though, it was too awkward for me to start off a conversation with her on the exact moment. She did asked me about my PMR, and I told her it was hard (it was, really), she smiled and that's the end of our not-so-formal conversation. At last, my mom, me and my other siblings shake hands with her and we took off. It was, well, actually a little something for me as I've never expected things like this to just happen. I told my mom everything about her and it was a great thing to witness this sort of coincidence myself.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Good morning! Ohh woaw, I'm so glad to could have finally say that after a few months of snoozing and waking up late which did'nt give me the opportunities to unveil that greeting word. Well, that's pretty much an achievement for me as I had successfully prevent myself from snoozing till noon. Its already 8.22 am (i woke up much earlier than that) and I'm stuck with nothing to do, great. Maybe I should just prepare some sort of plans to organize my un-active activities for the rest of the day. Alright, first, get a shower! (sure), second, I'm thinking about going to the saloon (its been a while though since my last visit) third, I'm thinking about going to my mother's friend, teacher Amani's wedding (which turns out to be my science teacher who transfers to my mother's school and yes, my mother's is a school teacher) huh, small world ain't it? So anyway, the forth thing would be.. well I have'nt actually thought of anything in particular just yet but whatever, screw it. I was just planning anyway and trust me, things that I've planned never really works well. Ironicly, there's always unevitable flaws to that very plan *sigh.
Umm well, its already Friday on the 4th of December and once again, I could'nt sleep. Woaw, that's pretty tough for me as I'll be suffering from sleep deprivation sooner or later if these things keep on going. That's alright. I have tons in mind to eventually express here. A lot to share, a lot to let go. How is it possible to find an easy solutions to all these? Is it soothing music? or or, movies? (nope, you're not going to solve that by watching anything alone) perhaps, just bare everything in your mind, what's in your head should just..break free? Contemplates. A word, an unseen form of action that happens to progress in our everyday life. without us knowing it. or even aware to the presents of it. tricky huh. For some reasons, it did'nt actually happens to all of us. Certain people, sure. I mean, those who place lots of things in mind. concealed things. Apparently, not 100% humans can bare with too many thoughts in mind. They ignored some part of it. or maybe, the entire part of it. Well, obviously, none of these things I'm talking about has that scientific thing proven. Its somehow, based on my own personal observation. I see lots of things. I put a thought or two into it, watching, observing people's action or habits. I don't really see myself as a weird-psycho-freak who observes people for nothing. I did it for the sake of my own curiosity for all i know is, everyone is pretty much different and that differences must have been something, well logical, something interesting to know. So that's just some purpose of doing it. I do things normal people do, but sometimes, maybe sometimes i do it differently. I think differently, I sometimes gives a different reaction to a person which is actually the other way around from what's inside of me, my personal thoughts that I kept to myself. I know these whole thing is rubbish and all boring for some people to laid eyes on or even interprets. But like I say, writing is part of me. So if you should be bored at these, I'm the one to blame and I would'nt mind an inch as I enjoy myself at all these. expressing things in words, writing.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Well Hey. For some reasons, I had just discovered the fact that I actually love writing. Its the only way I could express everything. I'm too terrible at communicating, speaking with people I don't really, well, close with (makes me feel too awkward) and I don't actually share things with anyone. Secretive things that are too complecated to share. I mean, first and foremost, if i do share things then I have to explain to that very person (which well the second thing I'm too terrible at) the kind of situation I am in. Second, if i do explain it to them, I'll get somekind kind of reaction that I was'nt expecting and soon, when I try to explain it again and again, things get screwed up and everyone gets the wrong idea. So, that pretty much proves to me, and all, that things like that should just stay in words. Well, I don't ever see anything wrong with that, aite? I'd write when I'm in the saddest state that I could possibly be and I'd write when I'm all high and happy. So all I can say here is, writing is somehow, part of me. Part of what I like to do, part of who I'm truly is deep down inside. I might not going to be impeccable with words, well I'm using the simplest form of it so it wont get all crappy and hopefully, it'll be understandable. So yeah, writing to me equals to speaking or communicating which I'd fully prefer it that way. Just look at it from the bright side, I can actually avoid eye-contacts with people and being in the most awkward situation ever! that's suicide! (well, it is to me). It is obviously, obvious that I'm experiencing the low-self-esteem-syndrome (something I hate). It took all my confidence away as you all can see. I can't speak in public, looking people deep in the eyes, response to them well and umm, I can't racked my brain for anything much right now but I can assure you that there's a thousands reasons for it. Apparently, when your brains are progressing and your fingers are moving through words you can't express, you'll be bless with your ability to actually write. At least, that's pretty much what I've experienced myself. I mean, I don't actually trust a person for things to share, but I will, and always, trust myself on writing.
Friday, November 13, 2009
November 14th 2009, Saturday
Time ticks off quickly and before you knew it, its already Saturday. Again, as I woke up, I contemplates on things that happens. For these past couple of days, I have been sleeping and waking up late. I do not actually like the way it cycles, but get this, I cannot barely laid my eyes to rest as my thoughts had always been disturbing. I have been doing a lot of thinking and somehow I am grateful enough that I have come to my senses. I have done a lot of things wrong throughout the year and I have finally realize that its just not the way I want to live by for those things does not provide me peace. That's right, peace. Something i prefer to have at this tough time I am enduring. I want to start over, change myself and maybe someday, becoming somebody else different from who I am now. Somebody way much better that who I am ought to be now. I do not really want people to judge me the by the way I have acted before. Well, at least not anymore because I really want to change, its a new journey for me now. I am hoping for the best in my future :)
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Well, I'm painting words today in order to improve something I long lost. It may sounds inevitably vague, but i can't really interpret the gist of what am i trying to convey here. Just hopefully, you guys get the main point of what I'm about to tell. For every single day, i stand in front of the mirror, contemplated on things that somehow had made me strayed from the real life I'm living in. For some reasons, i could easily get caught up in my own reveries, a futile one. I have somehow tried not to infuse those reveries of mine with something that is too impossible to achieve, but how is that possible when I'm just a human? those thoughts would just lapped me in an instant even when I'm not placing my thoughts onto it. Sometimes, i just want myself to sink into my woody bedroom floor and never to resurface, because having yourself stuck in such excruciating situation with no one there to listen is somehow it is like engaging yourself to suicide. I hate it when racking my brain turns out to be in vain, that added up to my despair. I want something fresh to restart my life with, an inspiration or maybe having the presence of someone new. Someone that could change my life forever. The one who could be there whenever i need them, the one i could confide in, the one who could understand my state of mind and the one who will never leave my side no matter what may come. But that very someone, does not really give me a convincing hope of their existence. I know these, all of these may sound absurd but if u could give some space for your mind to think, it wont be as stupid as it may sounds now and please, think in more than a direction it will be much different. Thanks, for having a glance at these. Appreciate every word you read.
Sept 11th 2009, Friday
September 10th 2009 marks the darkest date in this year’s holy month of Ramadhan. I had lost a friend. This morning, I got up at precisely 4.30 am which is a half an hour earlier than I usually do for ‘sahur’. I started checking things on my cell phone as it has always been the first thing I do when I got up from bed. There was a text message from my tuition’s tutor. A text that had conveyed a horrifying unexpected news informing the death of a friend. At the moment, I was in a full confusion. I read the text over and over making sure that it was not a mistake and for that I could not laid my eyes back to rest thinking about the unexplainable truth behind the news. I thought that the tutor was pulling out a dumb joke. But what was I thinking? People would not make jokes about another person’s life. A few seconds past, I’ve received another text message from my best friend checking me on the news. Soon, there was a call from her, a call that had spoken the whole truth. It turns out that the text I’ve received earlier was not a joke. She explains that he, the friend, had met with an accident on his way to his hometown. Both he and his sister did not make it. The cause of the death was unknown but it might be possible that it was caused by their big brother’s reckless driving. The big brother however, did not succumbed any serious injuries. But that just from what I heard. The real truth? No one can really tell at this moment. The whole feeling I had in me was unbearable after hearing the whole thing. I was in shocked and full of devastation. Everything was far from what I expected it to be. I have tried checking back on the text, but the truth stays where it lies. After that, I rushed to my big sister’s room trying to content my satisfaction on the news. After all, my friend’s sister who was as well involved in the horrific accident is my sister’s closed friend (confused? I am). I knocked on the door, waiting for an answer and there she was unlocking her bedroom door. As I gazed at her complexion where she wears her swollen eyes, I was certain that there was no lie in the news. Everything about it was an impeccable fact. Still, I did not change my mind about asking her and as expected, the fact did not change. I stepped out and she locked her bedroom door back afterwards. As I pulled out the cushion chair and took a sit, I gazed at every angle in my house, thinking, recalling everything about them especially him. The first time I entered the tuition place, he was the first guy who friendly greeted me and made it fun to be there instead of feeling like an alien. He was the clown who pulled off stupid jokes that had kept everyone laughing even though he was scolded by the tutor every now and then. He always treats me and my friends for snacks at a nearby pharmacy and he who never really pulled out a long face. Everything promptly just flashed into my mind. He was then the nicest thing ever and I’ve never got the chance to apologize to him for all of my wrongdoings. He is gone now and forever. No more class clown and no more pulling out stupid jokes. The thoughts stopped there. Soon after that, my mom was awake and I sadly conveyed the news to her. She was for sure, in shocked I mean, everyone does. It was already 5 am at the time and she was waking both of my sister’s up for ‘sahur’. At the eating table, I can see that my big sister’s still in grief and to my surprised, my mom broke down in tears too. Frankly, I’ve never seen my big sister crying before for I’ve known her as the one who has never been that sensible. But then, I got the point, it was a very good friend’s death and I can’t blame her for crying. Well, that was something to start the day with even though it was not a very cheerful start. For now, I know that crying is a waste and mourning over it will make it harder for him out there. I don’t really know what to expect soon. What’s going to happened next is all for Allah to decide. Today, I’ve lost a friend but no one knows what tomorrows may come. AL-FATIHAH to my dearest friends, Nur Izzati and Abdul Muizz, may both of you be blessed and at peace.
Hello and greetings, This is my first tryout on blog writings. As a start, let me just say, there's a lot in mind that i want to expressed in a way that I could. Certain things are meant to be share, certain does not. Well, as my journey starts on writing, I would gladly say that every each word that I'm painting is purely came from the thing I have myself experienced. I don't really have the interest on making up stories because I don' really see myself that way and for sure the writing is not going to be real. More likely to be, FAKE. Wow, harsh word ain't it.Well, actually i don't actually think that making up stories is a wrong thing. I mean, me, myself do write stories that could eventually open up to my imaginations. There you go, Im crapping, again, like i always do. Alright, so hopefully the things that I'm about to share does not touch the sensibility of the authorities based on race, culture or anything that is possible. I'm going to start off with my new blog, so hopefully you guys enjoy reading and do get updated on my every post. Thanks :)