So what's happening right now is, my unstable emotion had won over me. In words of redundancy, that's exactly what's happening.
My big question is how do you deal with things that's hurting you in your deepest guts? My count of answer is, no you don't deal with it, you don't tell people about it (who would even wanna give a piece of mind, all they do is judge) and , don't even think of solving it. Let them eat you ALIVE. For all I know, the most awful thing created on mother earth is, heartless, senseless people who had promised you lies they can't fulfill."