Changes

 November 14th 2009, Saturday

Time ticks off quickly and before you knew it, its already Saturday. Again, as I woke up, I contemplates on things that happens. For these past couple of days, I have been sleeping and waking up late. I do not actually like the way it cycles, but get this, I cannot barely laid my eyes to rest as my thoughts had always been disturbing. I have been doing a lot of thinking and somehow I am grateful enough that I have come to my senses. I have done a lot of things wrong throughout the year and I have finally realize that its just not the way I want to live by for those things does not provide me peace. That's right, peace. Something i prefer to have at this tough time I am enduring. I want to start over, change myself and maybe someday, becoming somebody else different from who I am now. Somebody way much better that who I am ought to be now. I do not really want people to judge me the by the way I have acted before. Well, at least not anymore because I really want to change, its a new journey for me now. I am hoping for the best in my future :)

Inspiration

Well, I'm painting words today in order to improve something I long lost. It may sounds inevitably vague, but i can't really interpret the gist of what am i trying to convey here. Just hopefully, you guys get the main point of what I'm about to tell. For every single day, i stand in front of the mirror, contemplated on things that somehow had made me strayed from the real life I'm living in. For some reasons, i could easily get caught up in my own reveries, a futile one. I have somehow tried not to infuse those reveries of mine with something that is too impossible to achieve, but how is that possible when I'm just a human? those thoughts would just lapped me in an instant even when I'm not placing my thoughts onto it. Sometimes, i just want myself to sink into my woody bedroom floor and never to resurface, because having yourself stuck in such excruciating situation with no one there to listen is somehow it is like engaging yourself to suicide. I hate it when racking my brain turns out to be in vain, that added up to my despair. I want something fresh to restart my life with, an inspiration or maybe having the presence of someone new. Someone that could change my life forever. The one who could be there whenever i need them, the one i could confide in, the one who could understand my state of mind and the one who will never leave my side no matter what may come. But that very someone, does not really give me a convincing hope of their existence. I know these, all of these may sound absurd but if u could give some space for your mind to think, it wont be as stupid as it may sounds now and please, think in more than a direction it will be much different. Thanks, for having a glance at these. Appreciate every word you read.

The Death Of A Friend

Sept 11th 2009, Friday

September 10^th 2009 marks the darkest date in this year’s holy month of Ramadhan.  I had lost a friend. This morning, I got up at precisely 4.30 am which is a half an hour earlier than I usually do for ‘sahur’. I started checking things on my cell phone as it has always been the first thing I do when I got up from bed. There was a text message from my tuition’s tutor. A text that had conveyed a horrifying unexpected news informing the death of a friend. At the moment, I was in a full confusion. I read the text over and over making sure that it was not a mistake and for that I could not laid my eyes back to rest thinking about the unexplainable truth behind the news. I thought that the tutor was pulling out a dumb joke. But what was I thinking? People would not make jokes about another person’s life.  A few seconds past, I’ve received another text message from my best friend checking me on the news. Soon, there was a call from her, a call that had spoken the whole truth. It turns out that the text I’ve received earlier was not a joke. She explains that he, the friend, had met with an accident on his way to his hometown. Both he and his sister did not make it.  The cause of the death was unknown but it might be possible that it was caused by their big brother’s reckless driving. The big brother however, did not succumbed any serious injuries. But that just from what I heard. The real truth? No one can really tell at this moment. The whole feeling I had in me was unbearable after hearing the whole thing. I was in shocked and full of devastation. Everything was far from what I expected it to be. I have tried checking back on the text, but the truth stays where it lies. After that, I rushed to my big sister’s room trying to content my satisfaction on the news. After all,  my friend’s sister who was as well involved in the horrific accident  is my sister’s closed friend (confused? I am).  I knocked on the door, waiting for an answer and there she was unlocking her bedroom door. As I gazed at her complexion where she wears her  swollen eyes, I was certain that there was no lie in the news. Everything about it was an impeccable fact. Still, I did not change my mind about asking her and as expected, the fact did not change. I stepped out and she locked her bedroom door back afterwards. As I pulled out the cushion chair and took a sit, I gazed at every angle in my house, thinking, recalling everything about them especially him. The first time I entered the tuition place, he was the first guy who friendly greeted me and made it fun to be there instead of feeling like an alien. He was the clown who pulled off stupid jokes that had kept everyone laughing even though he was scolded by the tutor every now and then. He always treats me and my friends for snacks at a nearby  pharmacy and he who never really pulled out a long face. Everything promptly just flashed into my mind.  He was then the nicest thing ever and I’ve never got the chance to apologize to him for all of my wrongdoings. He is gone now and forever. No more class clown and no more pulling out stupid jokes. The thoughts stopped there. Soon after that, my mom was awake and I sadly conveyed the news to her. She was for sure, in shocked I mean, everyone does. It was already 5 am at the time and she was waking both of my sister’s up for ‘sahur’. At the eating table, I can see that my big sister’s still in grief and to my surprised, my mom broke down in tears too. Frankly, I’ve never seen my big sister crying before for I’ve known her as the one who has never been that sensible. But then, I got the point, it was a very good friend’s death and I can’t blame her for crying. Well, that was something to start the day with even though it was not a very cheerful start. For now, I know that crying is a waste and mourning over it will make it harder for him out there. I don’t really know what to expect soon. What’s going to happened next is all for Allah to decide. Today, I’ve lost a  friend but no one knows what tomorrows may come. AL-FATIHAH to my dearest friends, Nur Izzati and Abdul Muizz, may both of you be blessed and at peace. 

A Fresh Start

Hello and greetings, This is my first tryout on blog writings. As a start, let me just say, there's a lot in mind that i want to expressed in a way that I could. Certain things are meant to be share, certain does not. Well, as my journey starts on writing, I would gladly say that every each word that I'm painting is purely came from the thing I have myself experienced. I don't really have the interest on making up stories because I don' really see myself that way and for sure the writing is not going to be real. More likely to be, FAKE. Wow, harsh word ain't it.Well, actually i don't actually think that making up stories is a wrong thing. I mean, me, myself do write stories that could eventually open up to my imaginations. There you go, Im crapping, again, like i always do. Alright, so hopefully the things that I'm about to share does not touch the sensibility of the authorities based on race, culture or anything that is possible. I'm going to start off with my new blog, so hopefully you guys enjoy reading and do get updated on my every post. Thanks :)