So okay the most thing I do to this blog is, well, abusing it with these words of misery that I couldn't hold much into contempt.
Misery is a big word.
My whole life I've never thought or foresee myself to be having troubles making friends.
Or, keeping close ones. I failed.
It's so hard knowing that you've done all that you could, sacrificing all that you have, just to ended up with well, getting hurt.
The worst feeling in the world has got to be not having a person to share your sad story, or happy ones.
Imagine that you've gone through a really good day, couldn't wait to go home and share it. but dude wait, who're are you sharing it with? Jokes on you.
Or, picture this, having to be in a circle of people who you thought, would lasts throughout the semesters, graduating together, and heck being bridesmaids at each other's wedding?
To be honest, I foresee all that, well, 'expecting' is the actual proper word.
I'm not really sure which one hurts most, the fact that no one is telling you what you did wrong, or the fact that they just decided that you couldn't really fit it. I really don't know.
But to go through everyday, listening to them joking around laughing with that circle of group that used to 'fit' you in it. God, it gets annoying everyday. Bcos hey, that used to be you in there, laughing along with them. Sounded so surreal now everything you used to have with them, went aloof.
and oh, tear me up at times of PMS. screw you stupid PMS. Not that I didn't try, I did. But what should I do really, when you asks them something, trying to be 'friendly' only to have your unimportant questions be ignored. I feel dumb, frankly I did. It's not worth the effort, when you get treated like shit at the end of the day. At least it felt like it.
And so they tell you the worst experience thought you the best lessons.
Couldn't yet to grasps that.
Or foresee little parts if it. But hey, it thought me to do things on my own.
Though most parts of it left you in the most vulnerable state of loneliness, there are times where that 'loneliness' set you free. It's hard to put it in words, experience is after all, the best teacher.
I just wish that one fine day, things will get better. I know for sure that He had set apart what is best for me, maybe to teach me more patience, I don't know, but for all that's worth, I have my uppermost faith in Him, in shaa Allah :') and I will continue to pray to him till the right 'friends' appear. Maybe now is not the right time, maybe I need to polish myself more to deserve the best. Or maybe He had already circled me with the right people, I've just yet to discover which or who or whom. For now, I'm gonna just appreciate what I have and had, and the experiences that came along with it. It's sure to be worth a lot.
Feels good to write. I love you blog <3 nbsp="">3>