Sunday, April 29, 2012

Further studies

I thought of posting something up today, not sure about what or why, but yeah. 

In my recent post, I did mention something about blogging on college and stuffs if I'm not mistaken. 
Imma do that now, I guess. 

For a start,
one of the most talked-about-thing over/less than a month ago were the ultimate '2011 SPM results'.

Frankly speaking,
I don't really fancy the idea of remembering what the day was like,
especially recalling the very 'compulsory' questions;
"How many people scored straight A's?" 
(of course, its the only thing that people cares about these days, pfft)
I really could care less about these 'astounding' achievements (I used to, but some silly 'things' just killed the interest. Some people might judge me right away when I say it like that, lets just keep reading shall we)

and THEN, people pointed out question that annoys me like super crazy;
how many A's had your classmates scored? how many A's  had your best friend scored? 
how many A's had your ... boyfriend? scored, how many A's does she scored?
how many A's does he scored? etc.

but the most important, 
"How many A's had YOU scored?" (God, it pains me to hear that) 
I mean, Seriously? 
I don't work for the 'Educational Department' or whoever is responsible for 
the results handling thing (again, I could care less)

Okay fine, 
you could ask about my best friend and some other people who are closest to me in terms of friendship or whatsoever, but asking about these people after knowing how bad my results were like?
Don't you people ever think? First, you asked about MY results. When I refused, you pushed me to tell and when I tell, you say I lied and when I show you the results, you started to put on that sympathetic face/expression . For some obvious reasons, you don't even know how to react and again, how do you expect me to do the same? what do you expect me to say? or or act? 
I know, these statements may sounds self-fish and all. But a few judgmental-smart-ass people might know what to say "she's probably upset", "she's just jealous", "she can't accept the fact that her results are not as good as this particular people" ... the list goes on. 
(couldn't you just deal with the fact that I could care less?)

Y'know what, let me get this straight. YES, I WAS UPSET, I was very upset. 
Try picturing yourself in my shoes, I've had the roughest year ever to deal with. 
But I do know that for whatever reason it was, I had done everything I could;
I've never skipped classes, I went for the extra-classes as well on weekends and weekdays
I stayed back at school for group discussions and for one whole year, 
I've given the full advantage of my commitment to the things that I know, is necessary.
So what was the problem? Maybe certain things went wrong during the whole process,
but for all I know, I was okay with it. 
I was okay with it because I know, that I did my best in everything that 
I've ever placed my efforts on.

"The moment I lay my eyes on the results? I was dumbfounded. Literally"

Certain people might have expected me to mourn and be saddened by this whole predicament,
to tell you the truth, I wasn't that affected at the moment I lay my eyes on that piece of paper.
I was expecting that I would be, but I wasn't.
Instead, I was accepting, well almost. Was I happy? heck no. 
At least not at the moment, or ever. But then again, parents? yes, parents.
and then family members, and friends, classmates, schoolmates, teachers, the whole society, 
that's when my whole world collapsed. Its like, my life was over. 
I felt like I the was the dumbest person ever lived, the whole what?
11 years of schooling? really? and then everything in my mind was a mess. A big, big mess.
I couldn't think straight, how was I supposed to? I was such a disappointment to everyone.
the embarrassment that I had to bare with, and of course a series of prejudiced judgments.
so people will look down on me, people would call me stupid, underestimating what's left of me.
After that, it came down to one thing, one final thing, FUTURE. 
Where exactly is it, for me? Was there even any? Nowhere and none.
I can't describe the feeling that I went through at the exact moment, but in my mind, everything was vivid.
These contemplations were eating me alive inside, the guilt, confusions were salvaging me like a dead 
meat that I was. Obviously I was the only person to blame. Of course, who else?

For me, the one thing that hurts the most was the fact that some people allegedly, 
'assumed' that I wasn't doing and trying my best? I would love to reason with that. But first;
Do you know what I went through? Do you know my journey?
Do you know the things that I have to deal with? Do you know what I did and didn't do?
Do you even know me? really really know me? Were you there to witness any of that?
If your answer, is 'No' then stop making up baseless assumptions.
Because I can't change what He has stated for me, I can't change fate and I wouldn't want to argue with it.

That evening, I was lying DEAD on my bed. Not dead dead, its more of like DEAD, (mentally and emotionally) and then I felt like some strength is trying to tell me, 
asking me to 'GET BACK UP'  I felt this sudden urge, I mean out of nowhere, 
I literally got back up. After all, lying DEAD serves me nothing. That instance, I went to get 
'that' piece of paper.. my SPM results.
It was tough, but I have to take a closer look this time (I didn't go through the other subjects, the first 
time I checked) and went online to look for the courses that I'm qualified enough to apply. 
Of course I wasn't qualified for anything big, professional or whatever, 
but the courses that I am qualified for is indeed the ones that I have been dying to apply! (I scored way more A's in my trial exam, but wasn't qualified for this particular courses) and so, I checked from college to
college, rendered through some small moment of disappointment with some courses, but on the bright 
side, I have nothing else to say, "Alhamdulillah, Allah is great!"
That's when I know, He had something else planned out for me. I was convinced.
The only regret that I had was the fact that I wasn't being patient, I gave up so easily when the things that
I had hope didn't go my way. I'll take it as a test, it was a test from Him. 

It didn't take long for me to settle the whole College applications, there wasn't a lot either but I
was ecstatic! Also, I had received my first offer letter a few days ago for the Matriculation (PST) 1-year program. If my pointers are good, I am set to study for a degree in 'Doctor of Medicine',
InsyaAllah (pray for me). There is a BUT though, I'm still awaiting my acceptance for a few other Colleges
that I've applied for, which will be known only by the 7th of May 2012. A tough tough choice to decide.
So now, I am back on track (almost), I know this journey is only starting. Nothing comes easy and gets easier, things get tougher and tougher everyday. I know there is a lot, and I mean a lot of obstacles coming in my way, I'm praying that the He will always protect me from giving up walking on this newly-build track that I'm standing on and most importantly, protecting me from myself. The path ahead is not always 
straight, its full of big holes, big rocks and hardships. Failure are not build to last, I'm aware of that but I know have to work harder. Just like everything in life, nothing is FREE we need to work to earn it! 
Good Luck everyone! :')


Friday, April 27, 2012

Online shopping?!

Heyyya peeps!
I don't even know where to start when I first thought of updating my blog,  I literally had to look for the link at my facebook page, that's just how bad it is -.- I mean, Hellooo? its MY OWN FREAKING BLOG for goodness' sake =.=' and yes,  it has been awhileeeee (I've mentioned pretty much the same thing on my previous posts) since I've written anything, and I mean anything at all since foreverrr!
Okay, those statements were too overly-dramatized hihi 

So anyways,
life has been good lately, Alhamdulillah (I thanked You for every possibilities that You had made possible and those endless guidance that is still keeping me on the right path, thank you Allah). 
These past few weeks had been a lot of things, emotions that is to me, unpredictable (I guess Billy Joe did try to warned me in his 'time of your life', I should have listened? oh well.) Oh no wait, did I say emotions? like seriously? Imma screwed that up now, my writing method need a major adjustment ASAP! 

I know for a fact that the things I've written before was a whole lots of ... well it ain't crap, but I should have regarded this blogging space more as a place to share thoughts/views on such a significant scale rather than keeping it as a diary (ain't a bad thing either) and of course putting my passion of expressing these views in a way that is more, straight forward and maybe filling it with a much more vibrant topics/discussions. 

Looking back at it, its overwhelming to see the transformation for me, being the person I was (judging from my style of writing) into becoming the person I've become and y'know, things like how my way of thinking had evolved && stuffs, finding its way into maturity :')

But heck, lets not do the whole life-changing-lovey-dovey-moment thing, done that a gazillion times. 
What I really wanted to blog about right now is, my current/all-time favorite pastimes, yes you guessed it right, MAKEUPS <3 and online shopping! && maybe, some other 'additional' things *ranging from playing/experimenting with it, to shopping all the essentials! (well, I'll be blogging mainly about online shopping but since makeups are my ultimate favorite thing, I listed it out first hee)

*Just a very quick background check; 
Not that it matters so much but yeah makeups has been my ultimate obsession since my childhood years and that hasn't changed till now.
Personally, its the one thing that I feel would live within me for years to come! yeayy!

*Note to my future husband <3 ; let me quote this;
"It is not my naked/makeup-free complexion that should be your uppermost concern. Well, probably it should, but only during the two-weeks-period before my annual menstruation process *y'know its the time of the month where parasitic zits started to invade these fragile, fragile complexion of mine and its also that period of time where my uncontrollable moodswings would be something your patience needs to cater* but honey, as an early preparation to combat whatever it is that is coming your our way, start saving now! cos I'm your ultimate supershopper! *winks* maybe soon, you shall know why hihi"
Right, so now I've literally got a whole life planned out for me, no? oh well =.='
 *I have no idea WTH am I talking about. y'know, ignore the whole statement stated above it does not   make any sense, at all. So, mind me.

So yeah, recently I was granted with some extra $$ from the two-most-important people in my life, PARENTS! (the door of sustenance are wider for those who are willing to work) and so, I had been involved in some online shopping!!
First thing first,
y'know there's always this part in a movie where when women/girls went for a shopping spree for no apparent reasons and how the payment bills went crazy, yeah.... well that didn't happened to me (thanked god, hihi)

What did happened though,
is that I purchased some of my favorite things; MAKEUPS! (I ain't gonna mention the billing parts, duhh?!&$%)
it was nothing much, really *aside from getting some awesome eyeshadow/blusher palette, makeup brushes && some other makeup tools <3 I've always wanted to own these palettes and tools but was told that I was too young to put on makeups, NOT ANYMOREEE!  to finally owning these stuffs feels like a dream come true!  *exaggerations alert!

I've been successfully (let me repeat that, SUCCESSFULLY!) pulling off a few looks that I learned from YouTube tutorials(the power of technology) and sometimes having my own 'Michelle Phan' moment (one of the most sought-after-makeup-guru on YouTube!) when nobody's around.
It was such an awesome awesome ways for me to spend sadly, what's left of my holidays before starting off to college :'( (I shall be doing another entry on colleges and stuffs, hopefully soon!)

But hey,
at least I'm ending my holidays doing the things that I love right? right? right?! *postive energy draws in* this is so pathetic, I'm not prepared this! *face palm. 

So yeah, for me, getting your favorite things doesn't need you to reasoned with anything but you surely do need to know your boundaries, *I know online shopping is an extremely risky deal in terms of frauds and pretty much anything, but I've taken some extra precautionary measures and Alhamdulillah so far everything is alright* and as a matter of fact, online shopping are quite wide these days. I wouldn't say it has becoming a trend or anything, but I do find a lot of people of all ages adults/youngsters preferring to shop online, instead of going to the mall. (who loves traffics right?)

But of course,

when there are pros then there will be cons, its the rule!

From what I know and pretty much experienced,
online shopping offers a wider choices/options in choosing your favorite things, both locally and internationally. Next is of course, getting the best price. I find a lot of websites offering a much lower price on the exact items you usually find at the mall. The best part is that it can be delivered right to your doorstep after payment has been made *in terms of payment, there are also a list of options in dealing with it (online banking, atm deposit, paypal etc.) so unassumingly, traffics can be avoided (unless you chose to do atm deposit, which requires to go to the bank). I guess these are some of the pros listed out for me.

As for the cons,
I would make finding a trusted seller/dealer and websites my main priorities, simply because its the single-most-crucial criteria to look for in order to avoid frauds. Second thing would be dealing with a very rude and fussy seller/dealer whom obviously does not put customer's service first! thirdly, you are prone to the addiction of shopping online (it is never a good thing and never will be, trust me) which may lead you to spend more $$ than you ever needed on things that are unnecessary *that's why its called addiction* Lastly, waiting for the shipment which by far, my least favorite thing ever to deal with. Sometimes, these 'responsible people' promised to deliver your items in this particular time, but it turns out, the waits kept on being delayed (nobody likes a long wait, right?) but so far, I think I've been dealing with the right people so delayed deliveries are no longer my biggest concerned.

Online sellers/dealers  are humans too and maybe sometimes, they made mistakes (everyone does) maybe they overlooked your order or whatsoever. But some of these honest people worked hard to earn their income, and I appreciate those who had been treating their customers well, thank you for being very polite,and most importantly, honest (technically, it wasn't the easiest thing to do especially when you have to deal with hundreds and hundreds of customers)
I would also like to thank the people who are responsible in delivering the stuffs, mainly to the company that I've dealt with before; (poslaju, skynet, kangaroo etc.) thank you for the awesome service!

Bottom line is,
there are a lot of things to put in consideration before starting any transactions online.

Be sure to put forward the things that you need to bare with and most importantly is to have patience, always set your mind in the most rational state possible.
Just for the record, I'm not recommending you guys to shop online or whatsoever,
its just that for a person like me and maybe those who can relate to this, its hard for me to shop for certain favorite things of mine here (referring to where I resides) it is highly impossible *well, almost.
For whatever reasons there might be ,
I am not to be blamed for keeping this morbid obsession  as a past-time-thing (I mean, look at me, I am a sophisticated young woman, I was born to strive in pride!)

"People are meant to do, what they were meant to do"

p/s: Don't ever judge me just because you don't like the things that I do. In my defense, I never really understand why 'boys' were soo into DOTA? Grow up already -.- such 'games' are just Lame (see what I just did, I judged 'boys'. oh well.)