A December's starter day.

Hello :)
So SPM is pretty much over, Alhamdulillah I can't be more thankful. I mean, it was a huge pressure going on and on for the past 10 months, preparing to face it. Sometimes, these preparations hit me with tons and tons of temptations that's been feeding my soul, decisions and sacrifices to make (though facing it was overwhelming, I'm now matured enough to decide for the best in advanced). Part of it was a whole lot of elements that sometimes left me suffocating, now that its over, I guess everyone deserves to breathe again, including me. As for the outcomes of it, I leave it to God, to decide and hopefully, I'll be as accepting as I could in my determined fate which I sure do hope for the best.
      Recently, people all around me (those who are currently SPM-free) had been talking about plans. 70% decided to take up driver's license, some other parts of it had decided on finding a job, going on holidays and vice versa. For me, I started my long-term holiday going back to be the epic potato couch I was, re-catching some tv shows that I've been missing on and I even started my new chapter of tv shows marathon yesterday,  it felt so damn good as uber freedom embraces me. But obviously, that wasn't just it, I mean I do have plans in advanced, I am one the 70% people who's about to register to get a driver's licence which happens to be a must nowadays, in this globalized era. I could also be in the group of people who's currently on job hunting, working experience could somehow be fun!
    And so, I'm not quite sure of what's coming ahead (obviously, no one does) but I think there're going to be a lot to deal with (again, obviously, you just don't deal with one thing in life, it is not always that simple), good or bad, like it or not, its the favors of life that I'm pretty much looking forward to render. I'm 17 now, within a few months from now, I'll turn 18 and yes time flies whether or not we choose to ignore it, there is no stopping time. Growing matured has its ultimate price and pretty sure there're a lot more decisions to be made  soon. So future, I'm expecting for the best and sure am preparing for the worst.
    High school life has been tremendously bitter-sweet or maybe an extra pinch of sour-tangy? So its a bitter-sweet-sour-tangy experience? I don't know, these things are for the individuals to rate. As for me, I have been dividing it into portions, of moments. I'm not looking forward to go down the memory lane either, so the goods are for the memories to be kept, the bads, well I learned and grew a lot from it so I couldn't be more appreciative of both. 11 years is a long time, that's how long I've been in school uniform and recently ended the contract to wear them via SPM. It is as well, a life-changing experience.
     I'm still in the atmosphere of asking myself, what's next? and still wondering, trying to re-evaluate things that got me thinking. Practically things like, how do I actually got here, blogging? I'm not a blogger and frankly speaking  I'm not looking forward to have collections of  followers, but for those who has been, and still are following, thank you. I write because I don't happen to have a diary to fit my whole life in. Writing is fun, expressing feelings makes everyone feels better so what's not to like about blogging right? *positive energies drawing in. I guess that's it for today, hopefully I will be keeping myself updated on writing pretty soon (a super-awesome-beneficial thing to spend my holiday with). Good day everyone :)

Reality check.

"Hi.
So what's happening right now is, my unstable emotion had won over me. In words of redundancy, that's exactly what's happening.

My big question is how do you deal with things that's hurting you in your deepest guts? My count of answer is, no you don't deal with it, you don't tell people about it (who would even wanna give a piece of mind, all they do is judge) and , don't even think of solving it. Let them eat you ALIVE. For all I know, the most awful thing created on mother earth is, heartless, senseless people who had promised you lies they can't fulfill."
- Anonymous

Oh hey, you're growing old.

Hello. What's up?
    So, I've been thinking of things that had been evolving silently around me. Things that I had never thought of happening. Things that gave me the lessons of life to keep me going strong, to support every each day that passes me by. And yes,  I'm still learning to accept it the way it is. The way God had stated is to be like.

   At some point of my life, I took my own time to contemplates about things that I've been going through for the pass 16 years, the age of my breathing. I know most people would recognize their contemplations in their very own ways. They would have their own moments to think about live, how had they painted them. Being pretty occupied with these painting job, did they ever try to turn and take a look at the picture they've came out with? how did the picture turns out to be? The word good or bad doesn't define your master piece. Its how you, yourself view it, is the matter that counts.

   Now, trekking down old memories sometimes put me in tears.There were joys too back then which are just priceless to forget. First I was 13,  trying to be the coolest. And then came 14, things get a little more exciting with boyfriends. Soon, came 15, I was struggling with PMR but managed to keep my balance with my inevitable social stuffs, after that 16, the happiest year to date as it was the most astounding, memorable and just too much too tell. I just love being 16, surrounded with the most awesome people, so yeah, back on track, I'm turning 17 in less than a month now. Its the perfect time to think back about what has been going on these past years. I had my favorite teachers, schoolmates, classmates, boyfriends, friends, best friends and now, cliques. I can't tell for how much these things had been affecting my life in a way, but it does. In fact, it had affected my whole life, playing its respective parts in shaping my life perfectly as it should be.

    For years, I've been wondering how growing matured would be like and now, I'm pretty much capable of capturing the essence of it. I've dealt with situations differently than I had, years ago. I've becoming wiser and I took charge of the decisions that I made. So these are the littlest things that I'm proud of. Never in whole life had I wanted to lose these precious moments, let alone erasing it from my thoughts. But for me, repeating it would not be an option. Its perfect the way it is and I wouldn't want to change even the darkest part of it for it had given me a life time lesson.

   Right now, I'm hoping for the best in life despite the fact that you wouldn't know or wouldn't wanna know how it'd perpetuates later on. My best advice is to appreciate whatever you had been granted with and make the best out of it.

Lyrics.

Hello. Okay first thing first, I miss blogging. Awww!
Its been more than a month ago I guess since my last posts and its already March 30th 2011. Great, another month is passing us by as we know it and for those who are still oblivious to this, you're welcome (its nothing, really. Just playing my part in reminding you guys). So yeah, a lot of things has been going on as usual and ouh, SPM, yeah that thing is currently invading my life and I'm umm well partially committing myself for the sake of it. That's right people, COMMITMENT. I don't usually deal well with commitment, which means that I don't commit myself to anything. But for this, my imminent future, yes. I mean, what other options do I have and so, commitment it is. Enough of that, I'll  have more rest next year. Probably one whole year which equals to ample of time for everything. So yeah, that sounds fair to me. Alright now,  I don't actually wish to write much about what's going on with my life, this month or whatsoever. I just want to share a song from Red Chelle Rae - Bleed. Its an awesome, awesome song, I love it so much, and here are the lyrics. Enjoy :D
 

 Red Chelle Rae - Bleed

I feel like I'm drowning in ice water
My lips have turned a shade of blue
I'm frozen with this fear
That you may disappear
Before I've given you the truth

I'll bleed my heart out on this paper for you
So you can see what I can't say
I'm dying here (I'm dying here)
'Cause I can't say what I want to
I'll bleed my heart out just for you
I've always dreamed about this moment
And now it's here and I've turned to stone
I stand here petrified
As I look you in your eyes
My head is ready to explode

I'll bleed my heart out on this paper for you
So you can see what I can't say
I'm dying here
'Cause I can't say what I want to
I'll bleed my heart out just for you

And it's all here in
Black and white and red
For all the times
Those words were never said

I'll bleed my heart out on this paper for you
So you can see what I can't say
I'm dying here
'Cause I can't say what I want to
I'll bleed my heart out just for you

I'll bleed my heart out just for you.

Secret's Out!

Hello, weehee.

I gotta say, today is a bless for I've finally opened up to a friend about this thing I've kept to myself for way to long. And I meant wayy wayy to long. It wasn't that hard after all. Well, not really.

The 'incident' occurred when were talking and chit chatting while waiting (geesh, that somehow rhymes. In a not so familiar way) for our additional mathematics class. I somehow had that sudden urge to just open up to her, I don't know where that 'urge' really resurfaced from, it just did. Odd enough. So yeah, at first it was really really hard. I was laughing and giggling and shaking(shaking?) the whole time. I told her " Omg Tee, I'm soo scared. I've never told anyone just yet. Like ever." and she was like "Alah, bagitau jelah. You've been keeping this for too long." and then, I've decided to use the safest way which is... to let her guess. That works though, she somehow had suspected it for too long (shame on me, I was trying hard to conceal it from people) and I'm super glad that the thing I was uttering is indeed, understandable. Well, at least to her. For now, I've once again really really had learn my lesson. No matter how bad it is, you gotta have faith on your friend. I had mine and the time was perfect, I couldn't be more thankful. I gotta tell you, it feels soo good and looking back at these things later, you're gonna appreciate it more. I know I will :D

So my credits are reserves for you Tee, thanks for listening.

Prefect's Camp!

HELLO! HELLO! OMG! I just got back from the prefect punya camp and I'm immensely excited! wohhoo!
So okay, I'm gonna start elaborating the whole thing that I had encountered with at the camp.

Day 1,
We were given a talk on leadership skills. Yeah you heard me, LEADERSHIP, and as expected, it was a long hours of boredness. But then, without the talk, the prefect's camp would not meet its purpose. So yeah, looking at it now, rugi jugak if we missed out on the ceramah. Pretty glad I paid my full attention to the speaker. Then after the talk ended, we check-in our hostel. So we went, pasang cadar and stuffs, took our baths and gather at the dining hall to have our dinner, then we went for solat jemaah at the surau. That night, we gathered again at the dining hall and there were a little briefing on the schedule.


Day 2
We woke up at 4.30++am as we didn't want to berebut later with the girls to take our baths. And I'm pretty glad we woke up that early even though we slept really late the night before. After that, we went to the surau for subuh prayer. It was kinda funny to see the girls sleeping during the tazkirah pagi, I understand, it was tiring and the talk just couldn't get any longer. There was this morning exercise afterwards and  we went for breakfast. Soon, the first agenda of  the day started which is this talk about communication skills and other stuffs. We were introduced to 9 facilitators all from UMT and had some sort of games later on before the dudes went for the Friday prayer. The girls went back to respective dorms, and had a little rest. We gathered back at the hall for other activities that was scheduled for us and also had this game 'Kembara Pemimpin' which is the main highlight of the day. It was super awesome as I hardly had camps before and what had made the game much much more interesting is that there were this cute guy. Like Omg, comelnyaa! haha. So that night, we had our last agenda of the day,  the 'Malam Kebudayaan' thing. It was well, partially boring to be frank. It made us stayed up too late and we were super sleepy. Thank god it actually ended.


Day 3
Excited! we're going back home! wohoo! So once again as scheduled, we had this closing ceremony to ceremonise? everything. yeah. We had that thing and went for lunch. At lunch, Omg this cute guy was there with his friend. I was about to take my not-so-last bite of rice when the dudes came in. I'm like so excited that I asked my friend to take another piece of watermelon for me so that I could stay there longer. hehe *winks.
So as we were gossiping and almost flirting, the dude somehow macam perasan that we were eye-ing him all these while. I'm like malu gilaa  and was blushing like crazy, Aaaaa! :O Kitaorang went out instantly then out of nowhere, I've accidently bumped into his friend, like seriously bumped into his friend(should've been him *sigh -_-) He had a little laugh after that. That's when I suffered another embarrassment , haishh.

Everything went smooth, Alhamdulillah. I had my experiences in handling this and that as well as making new friends. Those days were pure exhaustion , but I sure had benefit a lot from it. Thanks to those who had been responsible in making this camp a success to me :D

Wasted efforts.

Hookayy, this is great. I miss expressing my emotional distressed. So, here we go.., hello :)

As always, there has been something pushing me, well inspires me to type. Back then, not too long ago, there was this one time where I had thought of typing and expressing something I've long kept in mind but something came up, and I've lost the interest to continue with that unfulfilled intention. So right now, I'm pretty glad that I have everything quite in place this time. Yeah..

Okay,
I'm not sure for how much  does this thing has to bother me, but it does and at times, it gave me this sense of realisation that I don't really have to do so. Simply because its worthless. In a way. Well, picture this, you've paid just too much of your precious efforts and time for the sake of contenting your inner self urge (if that's what you think it is) the thing you don't know is that you're putting yourself at this one point where the things that you do aren't specially done for your own goodness sake. Like, you "think" that you want to lose weight. You imagined yourself looking extra gorgeous, carrying less pounds within your body, and good news, you actually worked for it. But then the result isn't always what you pictured it'd be. You stopped, and you give up. But the actual truth behind the unappreciated efforts there is because someone told you to do so. They convinced you that you'd look better, but what do they know? You're miserable going after for that goal, because it was not for you, that you're doing it. It was because someone told you to. Someone who doesn't even care to accept you for who your are inside, they're ashamed to get closed to you, because of that unconcealed flaws of yours. It's vividly pointing out. Everything always falls to the demanding superficial. You see, that's when the word VAIN came into the picture. Why would you rather do things that would not benefit you in any which way you could ever imagined? At the end of the story, its not happiness that you would achieve, because you're not making yourself happy. Yes, its true, that a person could motivate you to change but is it the right person you get motivations from? Is it even the right motivations? Things like this kept on circling my inner thoughts. Even if the situations are not the same, the consequences are. I'm gonna put a halt to this topic now, Good night.