Sunday, March 17, 2013

Ignore. You don't need to read any of this.

I have never trust myself with anything, I lied a lot, to myself of course just to feel better.
It helps sometimes. I write, I'm not good at writing.

But a very wise teacher taught me, that writing is a passion.
You write from your heart, so I did.

From the bottom of my heart, this is how I feel;

How do you react to things that are, vague but it slapped you hard, right in the face.

I'm in the state where it is hard to decipher and decide on things, whether or not I'm doing it right.
How do you judge things like that?

The things that had been happening to me, for God's sake how I've ignored them.
I don't want to store any of it in my mind, I'm powerless.
I know I'm weak, but its never 'okay' to show it to people,
I mean, what are you trying to expose yourself to? you're weak after all, WEAK.

I've encountered numerous things that had changed me, a lot.
I despised changes, but it forces me to. Change. A word that could define the world to me.
Sometimes I wonder, why are things so complicated that, at certain point,
it turns you from having balance in your life, to not have them now. Why?

Friends, I tried to be the best I that I could. What is wrong with me?
Is it because I'm not as brilliant as you guys are, because trust me, I've tried.
I know trying is not enough, but I tried.

This whole redundant messages, I may sound desperate. I could be.
A friend, A sister, A daughter, I play these roles for the past 18+ years,
and now I'm turning 19th, in less than 2 months.
I'm not good at these roles, presented to me.
They came with great responsibilities, I understand.
yet again, I tried to be the best that I could. Trying is never enough. Never.

At the end of day, the only person you are left to trust, is yourself.
I solely believe in that.