Oh hey, you're growing old.

Hello. What's up?
    So, I've been thinking of things that had been evolving silently around me. Things that I had never thought of happening. Things that gave me the lessons of life to keep me going strong, to support every each day that passes me by. And yes,  I'm still learning to accept it the way it is. The way God had stated is to be like.

   At some point of my life, I took my own time to contemplates about things that I've been going through for the pass 16 years, the age of my breathing. I know most people would recognize their contemplations in their very own ways. They would have their own moments to think about live, how had they painted them. Being pretty occupied with these painting job, did they ever try to turn and take a look at the picture they've came out with? how did the picture turns out to be? The word good or bad doesn't define your master piece. Its how you, yourself view it, is the matter that counts.

   Now, trekking down old memories sometimes put me in tears.There were joys too back then which are just priceless to forget. First I was 13,  trying to be the coolest. And then came 14, things get a little more exciting with boyfriends. Soon, came 15, I was struggling with PMR but managed to keep my balance with my inevitable social stuffs, after that 16, the happiest year to date as it was the most astounding, memorable and just too much too tell. I just love being 16, surrounded with the most awesome people, so yeah, back on track, I'm turning 17 in less than a month now. Its the perfect time to think back about what has been going on these past years. I had my favorite teachers, schoolmates, classmates, boyfriends, friends, best friends and now, cliques. I can't tell for how much these things had been affecting my life in a way, but it does. In fact, it had affected my whole life, playing its respective parts in shaping my life perfectly as it should be.

    For years, I've been wondering how growing matured would be like and now, I'm pretty much capable of capturing the essence of it. I've dealt with situations differently than I had, years ago. I've becoming wiser and I took charge of the decisions that I made. So these are the littlest things that I'm proud of. Never in whole life had I wanted to lose these precious moments, let alone erasing it from my thoughts. But for me, repeating it would not be an option. Its perfect the way it is and I wouldn't want to change even the darkest part of it for it had given me a life time lesson.

   Right now, I'm hoping for the best in life despite the fact that you wouldn't know or wouldn't wanna know how it'd perpetuates later on. My best advice is to appreciate whatever you had been granted with and make the best out of it.

Lyrics.

Hello. Okay first thing first, I miss blogging. Awww!
Its been more than a month ago I guess since my last posts and its already March 30th 2011. Great, another month is passing us by as we know it and for those who are still oblivious to this, you're welcome (its nothing, really. Just playing my part in reminding you guys). So yeah, a lot of things has been going on as usual and ouh, SPM, yeah that thing is currently invading my life and I'm umm well partially committing myself for the sake of it. That's right people, COMMITMENT. I don't usually deal well with commitment, which means that I don't commit myself to anything. But for this, my imminent future, yes. I mean, what other options do I have and so, commitment it is. Enough of that, I'll  have more rest next year. Probably one whole year which equals to ample of time for everything. So yeah, that sounds fair to me. Alright now,  I don't actually wish to write much about what's going on with my life, this month or whatsoever. I just want to share a song from Red Chelle Rae - Bleed. Its an awesome, awesome song, I love it so much, and here are the lyrics. Enjoy :D
 

 Red Chelle Rae - Bleed

I feel like I'm drowning in ice water
My lips have turned a shade of blue
I'm frozen with this fear
That you may disappear
Before I've given you the truth

I'll bleed my heart out on this paper for you
So you can see what I can't say
I'm dying here (I'm dying here)
'Cause I can't say what I want to
I'll bleed my heart out just for you
I've always dreamed about this moment
And now it's here and I've turned to stone
I stand here petrified
As I look you in your eyes
My head is ready to explode

I'll bleed my heart out on this paper for you
So you can see what I can't say
I'm dying here
'Cause I can't say what I want to
I'll bleed my heart out just for you

And it's all here in
Black and white and red
For all the times
Those words were never said

I'll bleed my heart out on this paper for you
So you can see what I can't say
I'm dying here
'Cause I can't say what I want to
I'll bleed my heart out just for you

I'll bleed my heart out just for you.

Secret's Out!

Hello, weehee.

I gotta say, today is a bless for I've finally opened up to a friend about this thing I've kept to myself for way to long. And I meant wayy wayy to long. It wasn't that hard after all. Well, not really.

The 'incident' occurred when were talking and chit chatting while waiting (geesh, that somehow rhymes. In a not so familiar way) for our additional mathematics class. I somehow had that sudden urge to just open up to her, I don't know where that 'urge' really resurfaced from, it just did. Odd enough. So yeah, at first it was really really hard. I was laughing and giggling and shaking(shaking?) the whole time. I told her " Omg Tee, I'm soo scared. I've never told anyone just yet. Like ever." and she was like "Alah, bagitau jelah. You've been keeping this for too long." and then, I've decided to use the safest way which is... to let her guess. That works though, she somehow had suspected it for too long (shame on me, I was trying hard to conceal it from people) and I'm super glad that the thing I was uttering is indeed, understandable. Well, at least to her. For now, I've once again really really had learn my lesson. No matter how bad it is, you gotta have faith on your friend. I had mine and the time was perfect, I couldn't be more thankful. I gotta tell you, it feels soo good and looking back at these things later, you're gonna appreciate it more. I know I will :D

So my credits are reserves for you Tee, thanks for listening.

Prefect's Camp!

HELLO! HELLO! OMG! I just got back from the prefect punya camp and I'm immensely excited! wohhoo!
So okay, I'm gonna start elaborating the whole thing that I had encountered with at the camp.

Day 1,
We were given a talk on leadership skills. Yeah you heard me, LEADERSHIP, and as expected, it was a long hours of boredness. But then, without the talk, the prefect's camp would not meet its purpose. So yeah, looking at it now, rugi jugak if we missed out on the ceramah. Pretty glad I paid my full attention to the speaker. Then after the talk ended, we check-in our hostel. So we went, pasang cadar and stuffs, took our baths and gather at the dining hall to have our dinner, then we went for solat jemaah at the surau. That night, we gathered again at the dining hall and there were a little briefing on the schedule.


Day 2
We woke up at 4.30++am as we didn't want to berebut later with the girls to take our baths. And I'm pretty glad we woke up that early even though we slept really late the night before. After that, we went to the surau for subuh prayer. It was kinda funny to see the girls sleeping during the tazkirah pagi, I understand, it was tiring and the talk just couldn't get any longer. There was this morning exercise afterwards and  we went for breakfast. Soon, the first agenda of  the day started which is this talk about communication skills and other stuffs. We were introduced to 9 facilitators all from UMT and had some sort of games later on before the dudes went for the Friday prayer. The girls went back to respective dorms, and had a little rest. We gathered back at the hall for other activities that was scheduled for us and also had this game 'Kembara Pemimpin' which is the main highlight of the day. It was super awesome as I hardly had camps before and what had made the game much much more interesting is that there were this cute guy. Like Omg, comelnyaa! haha. So that night, we had our last agenda of the day,  the 'Malam Kebudayaan' thing. It was well, partially boring to be frank. It made us stayed up too late and we were super sleepy. Thank god it actually ended.


Day 3
Excited! we're going back home! wohoo! So once again as scheduled, we had this closing ceremony to ceremonise? everything. yeah. We had that thing and went for lunch. At lunch, Omg this cute guy was there with his friend. I was about to take my not-so-last bite of rice when the dudes came in. I'm like so excited that I asked my friend to take another piece of watermelon for me so that I could stay there longer. hehe *winks.
So as we were gossiping and almost flirting, the dude somehow macam perasan that we were eye-ing him all these while. I'm like malu gilaa  and was blushing like crazy, Aaaaa! :O Kitaorang went out instantly then out of nowhere, I've accidently bumped into his friend, like seriously bumped into his friend(should've been him *sigh -_-) He had a little laugh after that. That's when I suffered another embarrassment , haishh.

Everything went smooth, Alhamdulillah. I had my experiences in handling this and that as well as making new friends. Those days were pure exhaustion , but I sure had benefit a lot from it. Thanks to those who had been responsible in making this camp a success to me :D

Wasted efforts.

Hookayy, this is great. I miss expressing my emotional distressed. So, here we go.., hello :)

As always, there has been something pushing me, well inspires me to type. Back then, not too long ago, there was this one time where I had thought of typing and expressing something I've long kept in mind but something came up, and I've lost the interest to continue with that unfulfilled intention. So right now, I'm pretty glad that I have everything quite in place this time. Yeah..

Okay,
I'm not sure for how much  does this thing has to bother me, but it does and at times, it gave me this sense of realisation that I don't really have to do so. Simply because its worthless. In a way. Well, picture this, you've paid just too much of your precious efforts and time for the sake of contenting your inner self urge (if that's what you think it is) the thing you don't know is that you're putting yourself at this one point where the things that you do aren't specially done for your own goodness sake. Like, you "think" that you want to lose weight. You imagined yourself looking extra gorgeous, carrying less pounds within your body, and good news, you actually worked for it. But then the result isn't always what you pictured it'd be. You stopped, and you give up. But the actual truth behind the unappreciated efforts there is because someone told you to do so. They convinced you that you'd look better, but what do they know? You're miserable going after for that goal, because it was not for you, that you're doing it. It was because someone told you to. Someone who doesn't even care to accept you for who your are inside, they're ashamed to get closed to you, because of that unconcealed flaws of yours. It's vividly pointing out. Everything always falls to the demanding superficial. You see, that's when the word VAIN came into the picture. Why would you rather do things that would not benefit you in any which way you could ever imagined? At the end of the story, its not happiness that you would achieve, because you're not making yourself happy. Yes, its true, that a person could motivate you to change but is it the right person you get motivations from? Is it even the right motivations? Things like this kept on circling my inner thoughts. Even if the situations are not the same, the consequences are. I'm gonna put a halt to this topic now, Good night.

Contemplations.

Hey.
I'm currently in need of a little writing for something had driven me to this.
and worst,
I CANT sleep. ARGHH!

Hello people,
So yeah, that was quite an odd starter, for a strongly civilized people.
I've been thinking lately. Well actually, contemplates. On the scenarios that's precariously evolved around me. I might be stressed, but I can't be sure. Because sometimes, we're misjudged by the superficial. The actual thing is, I am tired. Tired of thinking on ways to shift my unneeded thoughts to something else, to please people everywhere and to search for the uncertainty. I'm just immensely exhausted. Would these things lead me somewhere? to a better path? because I am desperately in search of happiness which is of course, should be thoroughly understand and properly defined.

Good Night.

dee-cem-berr.

Well, its actually 'December' with the wrongest spelling. Good Morning and Hi.

Recently, I've posted something I've kept to myself for long and the result, MAJOR heartbreak. So this is a very good advice to spread. Don't keep these kind of things to yourself because if you're not strong enough, you could end up being very vulnerable, just like me. And if only you had shared it before with someone you trust, the fact would be different. I mean, it should hurt less since you have someone to confide in and the result, well LESS grieve stricken for sure. But that's a different story, what I really want to convey here is, for the moment, I'm glad to say that I've moved on. I'm not pretty sure about next year, but hey, time would heal things and I solely believe in that.

      So yeah, some lucky people had read the 'thing' I've posted, clearly weeks ago (probably had it removed by now). It was a very long writing, well the longest I've written so far I guess and what I've got to say is, thank you. For the feedback and advices. I must admit, that was by far, the strangest thing I did in my writings. Preferably, blog writings. Though there is nothing wrong about that, it somehow did sounds a little 'abusive'. Needless to say, it was the result of being in a massive heartbreak and for not trusting people to open up these things. I've learned valuable lessons in dealing with both, an unexpected heartbreak and trusting people with your problems and when I mentioned 'dealing' surely does meant that I've dealt with it. Well, remnants of it.

        Lets just leave that behind. In fact, lets just leave all of the bad things you've dealt with far far behind for you've learned and gained more once you've experienced it firsthand. Don't assume mistakes as a bad element that resurface in your life. Its there for a reason. A very valid reason.  It makes you a stronger person. A tough person who could render through the worst tornado. Cliche'? yeah, noticed that too. As cheesy as it sounds, you can't deny living facts. You go by its rules, you live by it.

        Alright now, 2010's coming to an end, there are a lot to look at , a lot to reminisce, a lot to treasure, a lot to keep and a lot to let go. I believe that we had rendered difficult journeys and beat the odds in our lives that are sometimes hard to decipher, translate and to understand but it transform us into a different person, day by day, experience by experience. We never know what will lies ahead, for a future had been written and stored for us.  

Good Luck, in dealing with the unexpected.